Lorielle Fiedler's Journal|
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Lorielle Fiedler's LiveJournal:
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|Sunday, April 7th, 2002|
|i finally know now!
For like the past 4 months i've gotten the feeling that ive been stalked. Sometimes i would wake up in the morning and find notes taped to my window...other times i would find them inside blank envelopes that just had my name and addy on the front. No return address, stamp or postage mark.
The notes were scary too...it seemed like the person knew everything that i was doing, but it didnt seem like a prank one of my friends was pulling cuz they wouldnt know that much about me and my life.
Sometimes the notes would say things like: "Snuck out again peaches eh?" or
"Isn't that illegal?" or even
"So you're giving him something that you would deny me?"
I was getting really scared cuz obviously they knew alot about me.
I started wondering if maybe it was my mom and she was letting me know that she knew what i was doing and trying to scare me into stopping without her ever having to admit knowing anything about it. But the more i thought about it, that wouldnt really be my mom's way of doing things...she would just come right out and say something or catch me sneaking out one day. So i was left wondering what kind of freak was stalking me. I couldnt really show my mom the notes cuz then i would have to explain what they meant which would mean that i would prolly get grounded indeffinetly and have no life from here on out.
Then i broke up with scott and the notes started getting even weirder like "now that hes not here maybe i have a chance"
I started becoming obessive about locking all the doors and windows before i went to bed...just in case he was some sort of psycho case.
Then like 2 weeks ago i get a call from some guy that i totally don't know who he is, but he's asking me all sorts of questions like he knows me. Finally it dawns on me...its tom! My ex who i havent seen/heard from in like a year. He wants to stop by and see me cuz hes in town so i agree to it. We met at restaurant that we used to go to alot when we were going out. I almost didnt recognize him when he came out to meet me. He looks so much older then i remember him. But i guess he should cuz hes like 4 years older then i am.
So like one of the first things that he asks me is if im still going out with my boyfriend and im all like no why? Then suddenly it hits me, how does he know that i had one? Turns out he stopped by my house like 4 months ago and my mom said that i was out with my boyfriend. He asks her not to tell me that he came here. And she never did tell me, soon after that the notes started appearing. Things are starting to click into place. Suddenly i get really scared realizing it was him who was stalking me these past few months. Then he starts getting all sentimental and saying stuff like he hasnt stopped thinking about me ever since we broke up and im like well i havent thought about really and ive been pretty happy since we broke up.
He thinks that we should start going out again and i tell him that i really cant cuz it didnt work for me last time and ive actually just recently gotten over some of the stuff that our relationship created. So we ate dinner together and then we agreed to part on good terms but that he wouldnt send me anymore notes or stalk me and that we wouldnt see eachother again cuz it really doesnt bring out the best in either of us.
Wow....so like i feel so relieved now that i know who was stalking me, it wasnt really a psycho case, but at the same time it really was!
So i was kinda freaked out when scott and i kinda went through the same kind of thing...like is this something that will stay with me for the rest of my life? But i dont think that it is.
Thats why i thought that i was gonna have some sort of nervous break down or something when the scott thing was happening. And i kinda did, but in a way it was good. It really made me look at my life and see what happened and what i wanted from it. And as scott would say i learned something from it!
Now for how the rest of my life is going...pretty hectic and boring...well, except for dance i guess! And friends, family and love! Without those i dont see how i could function at all. We're getting into the final 9 weeks of school and its all i can do to keep myself focused and concentrate hard on the end and not mess up right before im done! Current Mood: enthralled
|Sunday, March 17th, 2002|
omg.....the show went pretty well. A few people were injured but they still held together really well despite the odds and the show was rockin'. Chris fell in grand tarrentella because she decided to dance the whole show even though the Martin's told her that she shouldn't.
My back is soooooooooo sore and i can feel a knot near my shoulder blade on my left side. I'm almost ready to crack down and go get a massage, but i dont think that i would do that well in a massage office...i still have some hard feelings connected to those kinds of places and i dont think that i would relax enough to enjoy the benefits of my massage. I wish that i was still talking to chris because she could give me a massage...but im sure that if i just stick it out then it will go away eventually without any problems. I could just put some icy hot on it and take some advil and then i prolly wont even notice that it hurts!
I went down to the city today to go to the tribute to Joanna Berman at the san francisco ballet, this is her last season dancing and then shes gonna go and start a family. She's been dancing with SFB for 18 years and she never switched companies....thats just totally remarkable =)
Well i gotta go study for my speech midterm so that i can pass! Current Mood: devious
|Wednesday, March 6th, 2002|
|Monday, March 4th, 2002|
|haven't posted on here for a while....
i'm starting to get sick of LJ, its kinda stupid, like you say things and then people read it, and then you can't talk to them anymore about it because they already know about it.
chris isn't talking to me right now...she started some stupid rumor about me and someone.....(its so stupid that i dont wanna post it) and so for like a day know one would talk to me because they believed it, but now people are talking to me again. Thank god, that would suck if they didn't! i dont know why shes mad i didnt do anything to hurt her, but maybe she's just going through a rough spot in her life right now, so i'm there for her if she needs me with no hard feelings.
The show is in about 2 weeks and chris's ankle is still sprained, BJ said that if it doesn't get better then she'll be out of the show except for the maypole (because its too late to replace her) and that could be one of the things thats making her mad.
I got my letter from boston, i got wait listed so i prolly wont get in...but at least i got on the waiting list!
i'm ana and so are a bunch of my friends, i tried to tell someone and they seemed to think that it was funny, but most people never tell anyone and people just think that they look absolutely gorgeous. But i'm fine so its all good, charlotte got let out of the mental hospital after loosing 10lbs so nothings changed, but as i say..just let the girl be and get her some counsoling for her rape instead of consouling for her bulemia.
Well thats about all that i want to write because i have other stuff to do and i dont want to waste anymore of my precious time on this! Current Mood: accomplished
|Sunday, February 24th, 2002|
|Thursday, February 21st, 2002|
|just like the '98 olypmics
Conrats to Sarah Hughes...the new olympic champoin!!!!! irina, michelle and sarah were all tied for 1st place and since sarah had done the best performance technically and artistically she won the gold. Irina took the silver, and michelle ended up with the bronze. But michelle took it like a real champion...not too many skaters could return to the olypmics with the intention on winning the gold and come out smiling to recieve the bronze!!!
|i will survive....
WOW....i lived through the first day! there were times that i didn't know if i was gonna make it or not. I could easily say that this is the most pain that i've even experianced in my whole life (short as it is!)
My stomachs still a little bit messed up, well i just dont feel hungry, but i'm eating just so that i don't shed pounds.
I went rehearsal today and watched...being around all of my friends and stuff just made me get a pounding headache, but i'm starting to feel better after i've had a few advil (thank god for whoever invented them!)
Well thats about all that i have to say, since i'm lazing around doing nothing all doay, i really have nothing to write about, or say.
good night everyone...get more sleep than i did last night =) Current Mood: cold
|Wednesday, February 20th, 2002|
|once more i rant on the subject of pain.......
damn....still in great amounts of pain. Took some advil which seemed to help for like 1/2 hour even though i took 2 x-tra strength...something really has to be done.
I ate some smoothie (yum!!!) for dinner, but it wasn't that much (1/2 cup) but at least it was something. I've sat around on my fat ass all day just watching movies or the olympics!!! (go apollo anton ohno!!! way to get the gold!) My head is still pounding and contrary to what the oral surgeon said, my upper jaw does hurt where my wisdom teeth were removed, he said that i wouldn't feel anything there but i do.
I wish i could be one of those people who comes home after their surgery and goes straight to bed and doesn't wake up until they feel almost totally better. When i got home i was totally awake, and now i'm dreading the night because i dont think that i'll be able to sleep. I wish that i had something to do from now until morning instead of sitting around and watching movies, but i guess that's what i'll end up doing. By the time i go to sleep i should have watched 3-4 movies!
I wish that the bleeding would stop though, its been more than 12 hours since my surgery, but whenever i take out the gauze to change it, it's always almost soaked...i hope that this is normal, please....otherwise i have a problem.
well i don't really want to bore people with my bitchings about how much pain i'm in right now, hopefully tomorrow i can write something happy, or just pain free. But at this point i think that it will be at least 4 days until i can write about being pain free.
I just wish that i had someone here to hold me and tell me that everythings gonna be alright tomorrow. Someone to curl up with as i fall asleep, someone who will look after me. But since i don't have that, i guess that i must be that person for myself =( Current Mood: sore
omg...am in so much pain that my head feels like its gonna explode.
I had my wisdom teeth pulled this morning, i was put to sleep because i can't be numbed. Being put to sleep is such a weird feeling, its like one second you're awake and the next second its like your totally blacked out and when you wake up its really weird because you dont remember falling asleep. The iv hurts like a sonofabitch though and even though i was sleeping i could feel a dull pain in my elbow the whole time. I scared the oral surgeon though because the second they were done pulling my teeth i woke up even though they hadn't stopped the anesthesia yet....you're not supposed to wake up until they stop the stuff from flowing into your arm, but like always i have to do something that hasn't been done before.
My whole jaw hurts like a biotch and i have a horriable pounding headache, i'm not taking any pain meds because they cause hallucinations and my mom doesn't want me to take that kinda stuff because of that bad experiance......so im kinda in a lot of pain right now.
I haven't felt eating since 12am yesterday and i have absolutely no drive to eat at all, but my mom's getting worried and i think that i will have to eat soon to satisfy her fears. My mouth is so swollen that i can barely talk and it hurts to open it even just a litle bit to change the gauze.
my moms out taking my brother to the orthodontist to get a nightgaurd/retainer, i wish that someone was here that really cared about me and just wanted to sit on the couch with me and hold me and watch movies with me....i feel so fucking badly and i can't go to sleep because i'm not tired and it feels worse to lie down so i'm gonna stay up and watch a whole ton of movies all by my lonesome
but its alright =( Current Mood: irritated
|Tuesday, February 19th, 2002|
You are restricted. Well done, you're now
practically adult in nature, and plus, you
get to see nudity - have fun.
"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.
only 2 hours and 12 minutes until i cant have anymore food. Since i'm going to be put to sleep for my wisdom to be pulled i'm not allowed to eat for 8 hours before hand because i might throw it up. This is like a mini "last meal" for me because i can't eat solid food for about a week. Tomorrow all i get to have is broth! Try as i might, i can't seem to get to excited about that.
Alycia is back at ballet!!! A nice warm welcome to my homie alycia....classes just haven't been the same without your clowning around. No one has stepped forward to take your place so it's been pretty serious since you've been gone. Welcome back!!!!
I wanted to talk to scott today....but i forgot earlier and now it's too late to call him, and he's not online so i can't even talk to him over the computer =( I guess that i could call him tomorrow based on how well i feel. For the next 2 days i'm just gonna sit at home and watch movies. That should be great fun. Does anyone want to visit me? Current Mood: scared
Scott is back home!!!!!
Wow.....i thought that it was gonna seem like eternity until he came back, but it actually seems like hes only been gone for 10 days. So much has happened since he's been gone, i can't wait to see him and have a nice long catch-up chat! I can't see him at all this week though with school, ballet, rehearsals, my operation and recovery time. So i have to wait until next wednesday to see him because thats my first opening, unless i sneak out......but im not sure thats such a great idea.
i still feel really badly, 3 times this week after i'd eaten i practically threw up half of my lunch right after...its like i can practitcally keep no food down...for those of you who don't know me that well i'm not bulemic and have never been so its really weird. This has been going on for a long time though (well the nauseous feeling for like 1 1/2 months now, but the throwing up thing just started this past week) Chris was funny, she was all like oh i think i know what your problem is.....So this past weekend she made me take a test and another one and one after that just to make sure that i wasn't..... Yeah, well chris knows like everything that i do in my life so thats why she thought that it could be a possibility even though i was sure that it really couldn't be true. But thank god that the tests didn't turn the color that they were supposed to otherwise i would have definetly been up a large creek. Now we can banish those kind of horrible thoughts from our heads and think about other stuff than that. But i still wonder why i feel like this? I have absolutely no idea, but its will prolly go away soon.
I want to put red highlights in my hair but i'm not sure what it would look like...what do you think?
Well i should be going, i have to figure out what im gonna write my persuasion speech on (it has to be political) and then start writing it.
I'm so scared, tomorrow i have to get my wisdom teeth pulled so pray for me at 8am because thats when i'm gonna be put to sleep. I can't eat anything after midnight tonight otherwise the stuff they use to put me to sleep might make me throw it up...yucky! Current Mood: ecstatic
|Sunday, February 17th, 2002|
|feels like i havent been around much lately....
everytime it happens, i dont write that much and then i say that i will write more, but everytime i dont.
i had a great audition
yesterday in san francisco, it was for the san francisco ballet school. i met a really rockin girl named mia! then i saw J.J *blushes* after the audition and we hung out for a while. i'll prolly see him next weekend too when i go up to the city!!!! yea
i got into kirov
but im not gonna go there because its ok, but ive heard so pretty shady things about the school so im just gonna wait with my fingers crossed and hope that i get into some place that i really want to go to!
i went to the san francisco ballet on friday with my mom and we saw an amazing
performance. it had three pieces called:
1.without words (an amazing modern/classical piece)
2.angelo (a cool piece about the 7 stages of a mans life)
3.Prism (a really pretty traditional classical piece)
after the show we couldnt remember which street our car w as parked on so we spent like 45 mins walking around the city trying to find it. which we did eventually but my feet got really sore because i was wearing like 4" heels and as you know, its not that comfortable walking around in them for long periods of time, especially since i'd been wearing for about 3 hours already.
this morning as we were leaving the house to go to rehearsal we saw that our car had been egged (probably by the kids that bully my brother, they've knocked down our garbage can and thrown dirt in our driveway before) and sprinkled with little tissue paper stars and flowers. it had rained so they were stuck to the car and we didnt have time to pick them off so we had to leave them on.
after rehearsal my mom picked me up and we went to berkeley where we had a meeting for the walk-a-thon that i'm helping plan. all of the little stars and flowers had been blown off the car from driving, but when we stopped to get lunch i noticed that we still had a few on the car so i tried to pick one off....only then did i realize that the dye from the stars and flowers had transfered onto the white convertable top of our SUV! our car is now covered in multicolored stars and flowers, its horrible. on tuesday my moms gonna get the kids phone numbers and talk to their parents about what they did. we're gonna go to a vinyl shop and hopefully they'll tell us that it can easily come off with some special cleaner, but otherwise the parents are gonna have to do something about our car, because its not fair if we have to live with it like that because some stupid kids decided to decorate our car for us!
well thats about everything of inerest that happened since i last posted, and this time i wont say that i'm gonna write more often, because knowing me, that wont happen since i'm so swamped....but tomorrows a holiday which = time to sleep in!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: bouncy
|Thursday, February 14th, 2002|
|Sunday, February 3rd, 2002|
|Tuesday, January 29th, 2002|